|
More Satire
|
N.Y. Recalls Clinton, Eyes Joumana Kidd
Spurred on by California’s successful recall of Governor Gray Davis and subsequent election of actor/former body-builder Arnold Schwarzenegger, the state of New York has begun a campaign to recall Senator Hillary Clinton. If successful, Ms. Clinton could be succeeded by Joumana Kidd, media darling wife of NBA superstar Jason Kidd.
"Joumana’s the choice," said a key recall committee member who asked to remain anonymous. "She fits like a glove. She hangs out with Bruce Willis, has great TV presence, and did you ever see the size of T.J.’s (The Kidd’s son) head? You better believe she’s qualified!"
Kidd’s name began to surface even while her husband, Jason, plays for the neighboring New Jersey team, the Nets. Considered bitter rivals with the hometown Knicks, sports writer Gamble Proctor did not feel the conflict would be an issue. "I’ve met Joumana, and I’ve met her closest competitor, ‘Stuttering’ John Melendez (of the Howard Stern Show), and even with the Stern audience and crew on his side, Joumana is the clear choice. Besides, with her smile and body, not to mention Jason, do you really think people will care about the economy?" When asked about the conflict of being from NJ and not NY, Proctor replied "New York, New Jersey, it’s all the same. Did you know Joumana hangs out with J. Lo? (Jennifer Lopez – former regular gal and Bronx homie, now the most affected person in show business)"
While seeming like the ideal fix for a state reeling in government funding, and facing drastic budget cuts, not every local politician has jumped on the Kidd bandwagon. The Rev. Al Sharpton, activist and presidential candidate, feels the choice has many flaws. "It’s a damn disgrace that the people of New York think Joumana Kidd is qualified to Senatize New York State. Nobody even knows if she, he, or the kid is black or white! Hell, she might even be mulatto. The kid looks Mexican. And Jason has all the black features with the Michael Jackson skin. And some days, Joumana looks more like Janet Jackson than Michael does!"
If the recall vote is passed by the state’s voters, Kidd will be opposed by several high profile candidates including Melendez, former Knicks center Patrick Ewing, actor Alec Baldwin, and illusionist David Blaine. According to Sharpton, the choice is clear. "Patrick Ewing should be New York’s next Senator. One of them wanted to live in France, one of them stutters more than he drinks, one of them hangs out in boxes, and one of them could be any race. I’ll take the monkey!"
|
