The Mile High Club

Jenn Earns Half a Wing

(This CLASSIC SEX CRAP column first appeared @ E-Crap on 02/11/03)

While most things about sex fascinate me, I have always been intrigued by the "Mile High Club." For those of you who might not be aware, this club is reserved for members who have had sex while in an airplane. I have known people (and people who have known people) who claim to be members, and although I only fly perhaps three or four times a year, I can honestly say that I have never seen any suspected sexual activity occur on any of those flights.

This past weekend, I had the occasion to take a three-hour flight (and one-day trip) with an ex-mate of mine. We are still on mildly flirtatious terms, and we are good enough friends to have had mutual (and personal) reasons to take this flight. It was a late night flight, and probably no more than 30% full. It was one of those planes with three seats on one side, and two (I believe) on the other side. If I saw right, it did not even have a first class section.

With the flight taking off in darkness, and emptiness, it was shaping up to be a very quiet flight. So quiet, in fact, that it seemed the few people I could see decided to nap. I was rather sleepy as well, and since we were two people in the three-seat row, I asked my flying partner to move closer to the window so that I could stretch out among two seats and place my pillow near his lap. He obliged, even going as far as covering my back and neck with a blanket once I was positioned.

As I quietly began to drift away, I started thinking about how this empty flight was a golden opportunity to join the elusive club. And while I was not feeling overly amorous about my flying mate, he did possess the necessary goods. Many of my faithful readers know that I talk a good game, but often retreat when faced with true sexual adventure. But the thought was making me squirm a bit, enough to notice I was lying dangerously close to his sleeping beauty. I wondered even if I did make the attempt, where would it happen? Right there in the seat? The lavatory? The aisle?

Innocently, I moved my arm to better position myself, and playfully began circling his crotch area with my fingers. It took about all of five seconds to feel his muscles begin to stir. With my other hand, I moved the blanket a little further toward my head, and glanced up at him. It was dark, but there was enough light to see his eyes fixated on my face with an expression of extreme puzzlement. All it took was that look to slowly unzip his pants, and unbuckle his belt. Since my shoulder and blanket was covering most of his lap, it was rather easy to be discreet. And once he discovered what I was up to, he made every effort to further shield the activity from anyone’s view. I was easily able to maneuver my hand inside his boxers, and I began to stroke just the right area of his shaft, just under the head. His head began to bob back and forth against the headrest a little too much for my comfort, and I stopped. I kept his lap (and uncovered rock) under the blanket, and rose myself back to an upright position. It might have been an omen, because a few moments later, a flight attendant began making rounds, checking to see if anyone needed anything. After she passed, he whispered something in my ear about leaving him hanging, and suggested we go to the lavatory together. At that moment, I wasn’t sure if he simply wanted me to finish him off, or if he wanted to officially initiate me into the club. With my head much clearer, I decided I did not want to have sex with him at that time, and simply finishing him off did nothing for me at this personally selfish moment. I told him I was sleepy, and to wake me when we landed. Not my best (or nicest) efforts, but at least he got a little excitement. Before I dozed, I saw his hands at work under the blanket. I whispered to him that I hoped he was merely putting his pants back together! He smiled, and offered me the blanket. I politely declined!

When I returned home, I did a little research on the subject, and was somewhat shocked to read survey results reported at www.ananova.com, which claim nearly 10% of air travelers surveyed were mile high club members. That number seems ridiculously high. I also came across a section at http://www.flashmountain.com/milehigh01.shtml, which rotates actual pictures of mile high club activity. Interestingly, the pictures are highly sexual in content, yet visiting the site did not seem to trigger any pop up or under boxes! A definite plus! Most of the pictures I saw there seemed to be in a main cabin, and not in a lavatory.

There are sites advertising private charter flights, just for the sole purpose of joining the club. There are also sites dedicated to "naked skydiving" which leads to a different means toward club inclusion (as long as you are a mile or higher in the air, it doesn’t matter whether you are in a plane or not). You can even purchase mile high porno on DVD. Needless to say, there are literally hundreds of sites and links relating to the mile high club. Finally, I found a site dedicated solely to this phenomenon, www.milehighclub.com. This site includes message boards, a forum, links, and the following tips for someone thinking about joining the club as a solo:

If you would like to become a member of the "Mile High Club," but are frankly not quite sure what is required of you to earn that coveted status, then I suggest you execute the following:

1. Call your local travel agent and book a flight to wherever, it doesn't matter. Hint: you'll have a better chance if it's a
red-eye.
2. Get to the gate early and seek out a cute solo traveler (like yourself) that looks like they left their inhibitions back at home, were they belong.
3. Be ready to negotiate your seat assignment for one closer to your unsuspecting passenger. Hint: don't offer your blanket and pillows, because you'll need them, ok!
4. Wait for the movie to start before you start your own movie (if you know what I mean). You don't want to get arrested for indecent exposure aboard an airline. Trust me.
5. Before you start your aerial pleasures, make sure you are at least 5,280ft AGL (a mile high above the earth), just to make it official.
6. And of course, don't forget to share this intimate experience with us at MileHighClub.com through our
Tales of the Mile High Club section.

Good Luck, and we hope you enjoy your flight! 

As stated in these tips, most of the articles I read about mile high activity was among strangers. Some even got arrested when they reached their destinations, which could be highly embarrassing (especially for the married ones, clubbing without their spouses)!

For now, I’ll have to keep membership among the hundred or so sexual things I want to experience, but am either too chicken, or conservative, to try. Interestingly, a reader sent me an e-mail last week, asking if I was really as "square" as I seemed through my writings! Ouch! :)

What does everyone else think?